The Final Chapter

Telling a story that shaped your life is hard. Tying together an unfinished story is even harder.

Australia was a beautiful journey. It changed me and molded me into the person that I am today, and as I reflect on the road I walked down over a year ago, it’s hard not to feel nostalgic.

I have been putting this off- finishing this story of mine. One, because it was nice to reflect back on such a fun adventure, two, because I have moved on a great deal in my life, and three, because it still hurts to close it.

To think about it.

To run my fingers over the keys and pretend that my heart still doesn’t skip a beat when I allow myself to open up that part of me.

Australia was perfect.

Australia is hard to talk about.

When we last left off I was telling about my adventures to Bondi beach and how my knight in shining armour came to my rescue after my klutzy self fell to the hard ground, graceful and elegant as always.

We had many more adventures after that.. Some a tad bit more venturesome than most. Most of our days were spent towed away in bed, marathoning Greys Anatomy and forgetting that we were even in Australia to begin with.

But time went on.. Faster and faster, and before I knew it, it was my last weekend in the good ole land of Oz.

The weekend was full of plans though, as it was my lovely, red lipstick wearing friends birthday. Friday night consisted of drinks at the Greenwood as usual, but Saturday night was the big birthday bash.

It was a perfect evening near Darling Harbour, where laughs and drinks went around with ease. At the end of the night though, it was time to say my goodbyes. As hugs were in the plenty, I promised that I would be back after Christmas, no later than 6 weeks.

I was so thankful for the friendships that I had made and the life that I had created for myself. A year ago I would have never dreamed of the life that was in my possession. It was magical.

The next day was the perfect ending to my summer in Sydney where we spent the entire day at Wet N Wild, soaking up the sun and even making new friends along the way.

By the end of it all, we were almost too beat to finish packing.

Almost.

I tossed and turned, tears in my eyes and I looked around at the apartment that I had just started to call home. My eyes were bloodshot and my face looked like it had been beaten with a baseball bat.

I was such a loser. Crying over nothing.

I would be back in 6 weeks…

But the problem was, I felt like my life was too good to be true.

I cried because I was leaving this life behind me, and I didn’t know for sure if I was ever going to see it again.

Between the expenses of the flights and the visas, this was an expensive relationship and I felt like the dream might vanish if I left.

To this date, saying goodbye at the airport is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

You know those cliche movies, where the couple cannot separate from each other in front of the security line at the airport?

That was me, and tears were in the plenty as they found their way down my swollen cheeks.

I knew I looked like a hot mess, but it was painful knowing that 10,000 miles were about to come between us. Eventually though, I was able to free myself from his arms and turned the corner, without looking back.

Okay, maybe I looked back twice… Or ten times.

Taking in deep breaths of air, reality hit me.

I was fine.

I was going to be fine.

Leaving was the hard part, and now I could go home.

I would be okay.

I would be…..okay.

I would not be okay.

I won’t get into the details of the break up, as most of my readers already know happens.

It wasn’t a good point in my life.

It wasn’t something I like to think about.

I got to go to Australia. I got to love to the fullest extent of my being, and I do not regret that. I will never regret that. And even though it took months of recovery with my mom and my friends by my side, helping me learn how to breath again, I would never trade any single moment of heart break that I went through.

Because isn’t that what living is about? Feeling every single emotion to the fullest of our capability?

I loved Australia.

I loved him.

And hey, I still love both of those things, but differently now.

Now I love them with appreciation. Now I love them from afar.

I love them because they made my life better. They made me realize what I was capable of.

Australia taught me that the world is a large and beautiful place filled with wonderful and exciting people. That jobs aren’t just what’s around the corner or in your small hometown. It taught me that there is no boundary to my ability to learn and to seek out what I am able to accomplish in myself and in others.

He taught me what love is like. Real love. He taught me what it feels like to trust in someone so much that you are able to risk flying across the world for them- no second thoughts about it. He taught me that I can feel special, not just by the words of another person, but by just being me.

My life has changed so much since then. I have grown a tremendous amount and I can hardly recognize the person I used to be, the person that went on that fantastic journey a little over a year ago. I now live in Boston, Massachusetts… a place where I never thought I would have ended up.

But just like life has a funny way of doing, your plans constantly change.

Who knows where I’ll end up next or the journeys that I will live. All I know is that I won’t hesitate. I will leap to the greatest of my ability and I will not look back.

Until Next Time!!!

lostinflight

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2 thoughts on “The Final Chapter

  1. Hello Courtney!

    This post is filled with an abundance of heart-felt emotion and hard-won wisdom, and your descriptions of both hit me pretty hard as I read through them today. I could feel the joy in your celebration, the affection for your friend, equally along with the sting of having to say goodbye, and the painful acknowledgement of the challenges that you had to face upon your return to the new reality. You have a courageous approach to sharing and keen sense of what is transpiring within you, and these tools will continue to enhance your life and your writing.

    I found your page while browsing through the WordPress reader, and I decided to follow….regards….John H.

    Liked by 1 person

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