A couple of days ago I decided to go through all of my unfinished drafts I had saved up and once there, I found this piece. I know this is different from my “usual” posts about romance, travel and adventure, but I thought it was at least worth sharing.
So, here we go..
Writing when drunk and emotional can lead to…. well, this. Drinking wine and feeling pretty down is a great way to start an entry to my blog, right? Lord forgive me for this one. But I just wanted to talk about something. To make a point. To talk about something that is not only near and dear to me, but it’s also a topic in which I feel most people can relate.
Everything damn thing in this world is temporary.
If you’re shocked about this fact then maybe you should just venture on over to a happier blog that has daisies and rainbows and kittens.
Actually, my blog should have more kittens. Everyone loves kittens.
But anyways… Shocked? You shouldn’t be. If you have not learned this small rule in life, you will. Trust me.
You grow up a small little baby, and you don’t give too much thought about what life is about. I think that’s why you don’t remember much about being a small infant, because being alive just didn’t mean anything to you back then.
Then you grow up some and you’re five or six, playing in your front yard. You remember when summers felt like years, sick days were boring, and it felt like forever until mom came home from work with chicken noodle soup and nasty cough syrup. But then that passed. You became a teenager and felt that life as you knew it was over. Seventh grade Algebra was the all end all and getting that cute boy to like you even though you had a huge pimple on your face felt like the biggest thing that was ever going to happen in your life. Middle school felt like it was a 10 year long torture chamber filled with smelly preteen boys and bad lip gloss.
Then high school came around and all you could think about is graduating with a decent enough grade point average to please your parents. Senior year comes around and you are ready to graduate and head off into the big world. But did you ever think about life outside of graduating and going to college? Your future for the past 13 years was graduation and you never even thought about a date past it. Now you’re a senior in college, or you would be if you wouldn’t have taken that year off to go to Australia, and you have no idea what the hell you’re supposed to do next.
Your life is constantly about thinking about the future. You never live in the moment.
So, here’s where the issue comes into hand.
When I was on my trip in Australia I made the biggest mistake I could have possibly made.
I looked at everything as if it was going to last forever.
I didn’t look at the beauty of the cities or the beaches in their true form, I looked at them with a question.
“Could I live here?”
Because I wasn’t just a tourist. I wasn’t just visiting. I was test driving the country. Seeing if it felt safe and steady in my hands and if it drove smoothly, comparing it constantly with other cars in the market. (Or in my case, countries).
I felt as if I had already purchased Australia and all of the wonders that it came with, because I honestly was so in love with one of the people the land was already home to. I never thought we would not be together in the future, because we were both so sure of each other.
And how stupid could I have been?
The land was not mine. The boy I loved so deeply and truly possibly might not be mine forever.
So when I got the phone call, telling me that I had lost that home, with all of it’s beauty and people, I didn’t know exactly how to act. Because you never think of things as temporary while they’re yours. It takes losing things to realize how thin that string that attached those things to you really are.
In one simple phone call I lost the love of my life, my home, my friends, my family, my city, and my country.
But those things were never truly mine.
I am going to repeat that one more time.
But I acted like it anyways.
Memories hit me every now and then, when the weather is just right and the sun is setting on a certain angle. I can smell the flowers from over hanging trees outside of our small studio apartment and the smell of pavement off of the city streets. I can still hear the chatter of my friends at the pub on a Friday night as my favorite happy hour drink tingles my tastes buds.
I can still hear his voice calling my name and the sounds of the train on my way to work over the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
My memories will never fade, just as my feelings won’t either. You just have to learn to let go and find something else to miss.
Until Next Time!!!